So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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