I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
