so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
