her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
