he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
