I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
