When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
People with herpes should wear stickers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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