I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
