Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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