New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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