i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
