dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
