You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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