Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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