wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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