I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I have aggressive nipples.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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