I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
