the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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