I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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