plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
