why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
