I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
