Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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