The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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