Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
