i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
