Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
