we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
