did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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