you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
