My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
