wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
