I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize