Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
