I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Randomize
