Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
