he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
