Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
