Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
