i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
