I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
