Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
