DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
