Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize