You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
