Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
