3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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