I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
