I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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