Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
