Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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