And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
