R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
A bitchslap is in order.
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