I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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