I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
