i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
