Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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