If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
