Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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