so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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