My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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