drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
