I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
