Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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