I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
