Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Welp...herpes.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
