I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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