but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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