a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
