I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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