YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
