Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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