I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
