You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
