im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
