Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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