ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
