Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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