have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
